so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize