Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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