yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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