Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
