you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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