When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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