Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
