if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
