can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
