Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
