No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
