I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
