Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
