i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
