I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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