Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Randomize
