I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
