You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
