You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
