either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
