Your dad touched me again.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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