I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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