just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
