she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
