Hey man sorry I got all grabby
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
