Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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