i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
