It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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