Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize