So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
