Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
