is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Bring me that man meat
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
