doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
