And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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