I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
