Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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