Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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