Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
