Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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