It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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