How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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