I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
