Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
