end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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