Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
