I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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