The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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