Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
