Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
