I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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