i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i dont even know how to be here
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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