haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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