so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
