Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
