Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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