i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
worst night to have a conscience
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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