is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
