Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
