discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
