i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
