Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
