I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
