Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
