You made me cry and you don't even care
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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