Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
