I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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