I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
