I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
