Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My penis needs a shock collar
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize