I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
