Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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