My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Drake has all the answers
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize