hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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