After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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