You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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