Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
