I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
