I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
