Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
