jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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