First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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