Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
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