I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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