real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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