P.S. I can't hear my feet
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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