shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
