just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My life is pants optional.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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