I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
