Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
this just has baby written all over it
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
