did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
