last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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