I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
