My hair reeks of homosexuality.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
