did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
