Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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