Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So many bounce houses so little time
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
