Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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