I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
