"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
vagina is talking i cant
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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