my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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