just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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