Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
