i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
