On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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