Just cropdusted the office
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
