I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
