shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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