did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
