I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
