Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
