i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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