He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
