mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize