He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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