i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
