i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize