Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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